I was going to write a long and detailed post about what happened to me earlier this week but fuck it, this isn’t a diary.
Long story short: I just about died on Tuesday stuck under an overturned kayak before I’d learned to self-rescue. No exaggeration: I couldn’t free myself or roll the kayak back up and I could reach my hand through the surface and see it but couldn’t get my face there to breathe and I had exhausted the last of my lungful of air just prior to getting pulled out by the tour leader, who’d been about a hundred feet away when I went under.
Few things will give you clarity like almost checking out, albeit this was more in reflection afterwards than in the moment I was trying and failing to reach the surface.
Anyhoo… There’s a lot of shit I want to change about what I do here and how I do it. I always saw this as being something as a Joan Jett meets Marilyn Manson thing, and it’s recently become clear that I’ve gone way the fuck off track for that and not even really clued into how far off I got.
There is an entire album demoed that does more closely match this punk synth hard rock ethos, but I have a strong sense that there is other stuff I have to put out first before that album.
I’ve been implementing small changes along the way the last few months, as is probably obvious from a track like “Liberation” and some of the covers I’ve been doing and posting on YouTube compared to things like “Os Invidus” or even “Whore” (and certainly compared to last November,s noise/experimental works) but I’m realizing I need to pull back and make those changes behind the scenes and not release new stuff til I’m happy with it rather than trying to do it as I’m also trying to keep up with a monthly release schedule as I’ve done lately. And while the sound has always been a little lo-fi, sound quality has also been suffering of late and not matching up with how I conceive of things.
The podcasts were a worthwhile experiment but not working for me. I do like the mix tape format and may return to it in the future but certainly not every month.
And the experimental stuff is definitely not working for me, so New Moon Madness is toast.
Some stuff has already been sent down the memory hole, more will likely follow but probably not til closer to when I have new stuff to post.
And priority 1 is making this project into a live one. Speaking of which, this announcement isn’t to say all of my current catalogue is being shitcanned, there certainly are a bunch of songs that I will hold onto and keep performing, and certainly each album is one that represented where I was at at the time of its release.
I will post news as I have it. Until then, there’s always my personal Twitter or Instagram if you want to keep tabs on what I’m up to. And I will of course continue with my radio show on CiTR, the Vampire’s Ball (Wednesday nights 1-5am Pacific).