Karma and the Weasel

Remember that fucking kid you always hated in school?

The one who ratted you out to the teacher if you didn’t want to play with him?

The one who no one wanted to play with because he was an obnoxious prick? You know, if he didn’t win the game he changed the rules retroactively, and whined and ran to the teacher with a bullshit lie to make you get detention or at least a lecture if you failed to give in to his demands?

He was worse than the regular bullies, who would just beat you up and take your lunch money. No, this little fucktard wanted to control your mind instead [and usually he didn’t have the physical power to beat anyone up anyway].

Didn’t you just want to beat the living shit out of that little asshole?

Well he grew up. Physically anyway – he’s still the same little snot-nosed weasel trying to force everyone to agree with him and kowtow to his demands.

And now he’s on the internet demanding the right to express his opinion while insisting no one whose views differ from his own has that same right. And he’s still screaming to teacher when he doesn’t get his way only now it’s his news feed and he’s screeching that everyone needs to like his deluded self-righteous bullshit status updates and god help you if you point out his logical fallacies and double standards. He will invent statistics that he claims supports his view. He will stomp his foot and make all sorts of ad hominem attacks against his opposition.

Sometimes he’ll even do this shit in person, all the time insisting he’s the reasonable one while making your life a living hell. He’ll protest companies if someone there holds a different view, try to shut people down, all the while claiming they’re the one trying to squash opposition. [And on a personal note, never make eye contact with a weasel or you’ll earn yourself a new stalker, but I digress…]

Sometimes he’ll even film his antics and post it on YouTube and expect everyone to give him a high-five for his troubles. [I can think of an example from the other day involving an executive berating some poor girl working at a drive through window because he didn’t like an opinion the CEO of her company holds, but really the specific examples don’t matter, it’s the general pattern of behavior.]

And you’ll wonder if there’s any hope left for the human race as these types seem to be all around and on all sides of every issue. There will seem to be no escape from this vile little weasel and all his permutations save heading for the hills to live a hermit’s life. And you’ll think that Boyd Rice was right when he intoned “and out in my respite/alone with the calm/I pray for some despot/to drop the A-bomb.”

But then, just when it seems like the entire world’s gone insane, the backlash against the little weasel will slowly begin. People will call him out for his asshole behavior, quietly at first, and maybe just with a little “dislike” on his video. Then more and more. Then others will stand up on their shaky virtual legs and directly disagree with him. And he will get worse, though if the backlash is strong enough he might delete his original comments like the weasel he is and try to pretend like nothing happened.

But it will already be too late.

And then, because there actually is justice in the world, a friend will point to a link to wherein that executive just got shitcanned for his behavior. [OK, it was really because of the bad publicity from the backlash, but close enough.]

Or when one weasel is fucking over a friend of yours over a few measly dollars in potential future income and is being that stomping screaming brat about it and your friend’s former bandmate [who isn’t even on speaking terms with your friend] comes along and fucks the weasel out of a thousand bucks of real income right away on a completely separate deal. The unwitting agent of karma.

Karma’s a bitch, it’s just that she’s the kind of bitch who knows the best way to kill a weasel is to give him enough rope to hang himself with, and to work slowly to make the weasel swing at just the right moment.

But maybe I’m just being a little too optimistic.